Creating A Framework For Social Media Interactions

Undoubtedly you have heard the word “empathy” before!  It is kind of a catch phrase right now.  Like “paradigm shift,” or “synergy.”  It is one of those terms that we throw around a lot when we want to sound like we are smart, and like we are doing our part to incentivize thinking outside of the box about core competencies, in order to drill down and amplify… sigh…
Sorry.  I got carried away with buzz words!

Besides being a fancy term that makes us sound like a good person, what is empathy?

Empathy means seeing things from the perspective of other people.  Which can be very challenging.  I was recently walking in the hallway with a very tall person and a very short person.  The tall person was admiring the view through the windows of each room that we passed, and commenting on what he saw inside.  While all that the short person could see were the bricks of the wall in the hallway.

It would be very difficult for the tall person to see from the short person’s perspective, and likewise difficult for the short person to see the hallway from the tall person’s perspective.  Yet, both perspectives are someone’s genuine reality.  Both perspectives are valid.  Neither is more or less true than the other.

Empathy is about more than just seeing things from the other person’s perspective though.  It is also about feeling and understanding.  In the case of my friends, true empathy would require my tall friend not only crouching down, but also pausing to reflect on what it must be like to be so short.  Likewise, empathy would require my short friend to appreciate what the world must be like to a tall person.

Empathy Is About Validating The Experiences of Others

It is recognizing that we all have different talents.  What is easy for us, may be genuinely difficult for someone else.  Why is this important?  Imagine that a friend accomplishes something that they are very proud of.  Something that took them a lot of effort to do.  Perhaps this something is very easy for you, and something you can do quickly and in your sleep… while eating a cheeseburger… with both hands tied behind your back… while juggling live kittens… (too far?)

Anyway, imagine how your friend would feel if you brushed their accomplishment aside as no big deal.  Here they were, looking forward to sharing their accomplishment with you.  They value you so much, that they literally sought you out so that you could share their sense of joy with them.  And you brush them aside, because in your mind, that accomplishment is no big deal!

Then there is the reverse.  Suppose that a friend really struggles with a particular problem.  It could be anything really.  But for the sake of argument let’s say it is losing socks in the dryer.  Let’s imagine that every time this friend loses a sock in the dryer, they break down in tears, and have an anxiety attack.  To them, this is a big deal!  To you, it may be silly.  How you feel isn’t the point though.  Empathy is about seeing it from their perspective!

It is about celebrating with others using their perspective to gauge your response, and mourning with and comforting others using their perspective as a barometer.  Empathy means putting your own measuring tape away, and using theirs.  Empathy has very little to do with your state of being, your success, your strengths, and everything to do with recognizing the world from the perspective of the other person.

Let’s be intellectually honest for a moment.  Gosh darn it!  You knew intellectual honesty was going to come back to bite you didn’t you! Let’s do it anyway.  Just for a moment.  None of us have the same talents.  What is easy for you, may be difficult for them, but guess what!  Undoubtedly there is something that is easy for them, that is also difficult for you.  Who are you going to turn to in your time of need?  Do you want them to mock you for being so bad at something that is so easy for them?

Validate Others By Recognizing Where They Are

We all start out as infants.  Some of us proceed down one path, and some of us down another.  In elementary school some of us become really good at drawing, and some of us become really good at eating paper… I mean at playing basketball.  Or any number of other things.  By the time we are adults, we have all mastered a variety of things, but none of us have mastered everything.

Empathy is about recognizing where others are, feeling their frustrations based on where they are, and celebrating their victories based on where they are.