Developing Empathy For Others

Paul Harvey was a famous American radio host for many decades.  He was known for telling interesting stories from new and different perspectives.  One of the things he used to tell his audience was that it was more important to be nice than to be right.

Now, we promised you that we wouldn’t try to convince you to accept anything that we present, and we meant it. Whether or not you value being nice or being right more is entirely up to you.  We will not judge you either way.  But consider…

When you debate others, what is your goal?  Are you trying to convince them that you are right?  Are you trying to persuade them that they are wrong?  Are you trying to prove that you are more articulate?  Are you trying to show them that you are more clever?  Seriously, what is your goal?

Have you picked a goal?  A reason for engaging in debate with others?  Okay, now ask yourself, are you going to accomplish that goal by being a complete jerk?  How likely are you to prove to someone else that you are right and they are wrong, if they don’t like you?  You might back them into a corner.  Or just wear them out, so that they stop replying.  But do you really think that they went away from their interaction with you having gained new enlightenment?  Or did they just go away convinced that you are a jerk?

Now, consider what you accomplish by being nice?  Perhaps you don’t correct every flaw in the ill-conceived arguments of others.  Perhaps you allow them to leave your presence still filled with the absurd arguments that they spouted off while engaging in conversation with you.  In which case, perhaps you managed to walk away with a new friend!  How much more influence can you have over a friend than you do over an enemy?

That question is worth considering a second time!

How much more influence can you have over a friend than you do over an enemy?

If your goal is to influence people, and to help them see things from new perspectives, how much more effective will you be if you are nice?

There is an old saying that goes something like this:  You can lose a battle but win a war!  Imagine having the self-confidence and maturity to lose a debate but gain a friend!  A friend who will see your example, and who may some day actually be persuaded to your point of view!  Instead of walking away from a single interaction thinking of you as just some random stranger on the interwebs who made them mad.

Ask yourself honestly, is winning a debate so important that you value it more than influencing others?