Developing Intellectual Honesty

Scenario # 5

Maria and Anita have been friends for many years.  During that time Maria has steadily improved her life by earning a nursing certificate, and getting a good paying job.  She has also recently been married, and has a young child to take care of.  Anita remains mostly has she was ten years ago.  She still works a low paying job at the local grocery store, is single, and likes to party on the weekends.

Anita’s car recently broke down.  She doesn’t have enough money to repair it, and decides to ask Maria for a loan.  Maria is hesitant because she has a mortgage to pay, but given how long they have been friends she agrees to help her.  As long as Anita promises to make regular payments back to her until it is paid off.  After Anita’s car is fixed, she realizes that if she pays Maria back that she won’t have enough money to go out on the weekend.  Anita decides that Maria has enough money, that it is she herself who deserves pity since she still has a low paying job, and that Maria shouldn’t expect her to pay the loan back.  The more Anita thinks about it, the more bitter she becomes, that Maria would “take advantage” of her, by forcing her to pay the loan back.  Anita decides not to pay Maria back, and begins to tell all their mutual friends how horrible it is that Maria would treat her so poorly.

In the end, Anita becomes absolutely convinced that she is a victim.  She believes that Maria is a horrible person, who has forgotten her roots, and who is showing off her success.

Which of the following conclusions might an intellectually honest person draw, and why?

1. Anita is right!  Maria has forgotten where she came from.  She got lucky in finding a good paying job and in getting married.  She shouldn’t expect Anita who has been a victim of society to pay her back the loan.

3.  Anita has had just as much time as Maria to get her life in order.  Maria took advantage of opportunities, while Anita choose to play.  If Anita cannot afford to pay Maria back, then she should go to her and ask for help.  rather than spread rumors about her throughout the community.  Though, let’s be honest, playing on the weekend is not a good excuse for not being able to pay Maria back.  

Remember that our goal is to face reality as it really exists, and not to lie to ourselves in order to spare our own feelings.  Yes, it is unfortunate that Anita doesn’t have a lot of money, and it was good for Maria to help her out.  However, it isn’t Maria’s fault that Anita is in the situation that she is in, and Maria has her own financial obligations.   It would be wrong for Anita to borrow money and not pay it back.  It intellectually dishonest of her to blame Maria, and to pretend that she (Anita) is the victim.  Thus, number 2 would be intellectually honest positions to take.

Our goal must be to judge all situations by the same standards, even when this means admitting that we made mistakes!