Developing Intellectual Honesty

Another common lie that we sometimes tell ourselves is that everyone else is looking at, or judging us.  We see it in the way they glare at us.  We see it in how they whisper behind our backs.  We see it in how they leave us out of their conversations.  Very often, we let this narrative build and build within us.  Causing us to become more and more paranoid and to feel tremendous amounts of anxiety. 

The truth is that everyone else is far too concerned with what you are thinking about them, to ever bother spending any time thinking about or judging you!  Just as you are the star of your own movie (the one that plays in your head and from your perspective) the other person is the star of their movie.  They aren’t paying attention to you, because they are far to wrapped up in the anxiety and concerns that they feel as they stress about what everyone thinks of them.

An Exercise In Reality

Take a moment right now, and think of a random coworker, or friend.  Someone who you haven’t seen for a few days.  Got someone in mind?  Good!  What color was their shirt the last time you saw them?  What shoes were they wearing?  What was the most cringe worthy thing that they said to your in your last conversation with them?

If you were able to answer all three of these questions, then you are better than most of us!  If you couldn’t answer any of them, don’t feel bad!  Most people can’t! The fact is that we don’t judge others the way that we convince ourselves that they judge us.  If we can’t remember what color of shirt another person was wearing just a few days ago, or think of anything cringe worthy that they may have said to us, then what do you think are the odds that they can think of those things in relation to us?

The sad thing is that we sometimes spend entire afternoons beating ourselves up for our own stupid comments, when the other person didn’t even give them a second thought.

Letting A False Narrative Build In Our Minds

When we convince ourselves that we are being judged, left out, or talked about behind our backs, it can cause us to feel significant anxiety.  We may even lose sleep as we lay up all night worrying.  We may compose emails that we never send, or replay scenarios over and over again in our minds as we plan how we are going to react the next time we see another person.

This can lead to an overreaction on our part.  Where we apologize for something the other person doesn’t remember.  Or, worse, we may act defensively against another person for actions that they are not even guilty of.

How much better, how much more peaceful, how much less anxiety will we feel, when we stop lying to ourselves that we are the center of everyone’s world, and come to terms with the reality that we are only the center of our own universe.

Others are not judging us the way we think they are.  Others are not talking about us they way we believe them to be.  They are just as fragile as we are, and just as caught up in the same endless loop of self-doubt.