Developing Intellectual Honesty

Let’s start with the biggest lie that we like to tell ourselves. The one that most effectively absolves us of all our guilt, while also most effectively denying us of any opportunity to grow.

We Are A Victim, We Have Been Wronged!

To be clear, there certainly are victims in the world.  There certainly are times when people are indeed wronged.  More than likely all of us have been a victim to some extent or another at some point in our lives.  But ask yourself this question:  Who will do better in life, the person who is blissfully unaware that they have been victimized, or the person who claims to be a victim when they actually aren’t?

Look, if you truly are a victim of some crime or inappropriate action, then you do deserve your day in court.  You do deserve everything that society can do to help you.  But be careful.  It is easy to convince ourselves that we are victims, when we really aren’t.  

When we lose a job, it is much easier to blame the employer than to blame ourselves.  Which keeps us from making the changes that we need to make in ourselves so that we don’t lose our next job!  When we break up it is much easier to blame the other person than ourselves.  Which keeps us from taking responsibility for our actions so that we can grow and become better lovers.  When we get into an argument with our neighbor it is easier to blame them, than to look at our own actions.

Do you want to grow, or do you want to isolate yourself from ever feeling any guilt?

We have said it before, and we will say it again.  There is nothing wrong with the fact that you are an imperfect person.  The fact that you have made mistakes in the past is fine!  What matters is that you not hide from your own mistakes.  Face them head on, and be willing to grow from them!

If you get fired from a job, look inward.  Ask yourself what may have led to your dismissal.  Ask yourself what you might change in yourself so that you can be a better employee.  If you get dumped by a lover ask yourself what you might change in yourself to make yourself better.  If your neighbor comes to you upset about the weeds in your yard, be honest… those weeds probably do look bad!

If you are truly a victim, or if someone else is gaslighting you (making you feel bad about yourself when they are actually in the wrong) then move on and don’t waste time feeling bad.  Seek help, and get out of the situation.  There are times when you will be a victim.  But… be very careful not to convince yourself that you are a victim when you are actually guilty of having made some mistake.

The goal is to grow from our mistakes.  Not to keep making the same ones over and over again!